I had a “disappointing” experience today.
I received an email from a director of the company I work for. He sent this email to a number of people, all who were peers of each other. He proceeded to “snark” for want of a better word at those in the “To” box of the email, petty grievances, harsh words, shaming words, “disappointments”, that he felt some had given him in a particular piece of work.
All of these people were hard workers, they all were working long hours and desperately attempting to meet demands that were impossible to meet, and his reaction to where they could not meet these demands was this email.
What is it about our culture and the culture of the world that causes us to believe that shame is a motivator. That shame can instigate change. That shame is a truth teller.
Shame is none of those things. It is a jailer, a prison, a crucifier of joy and worth, an enabler of broken individuals in authority who believe it is acceptable to reach out from their lofty podium and cripple the people they look down on. Managers who use shame as a management style are bullies and there should be no place for them as managers, unless it is on an intensive management deliverance course!
Shame is a despicable tool in the arsenal belt of Institutional church too. As if you didnt know that! It is used to keep bums on seats, to control and keep congregations walking down the aisles, working in all sorts of church “ministries, and generally to just keep the people in line. The god of those churches is not my God. The Jesus of those places is most definitely not my Jesus. He is a figment, an idol, a man made flagellation tool for authoritarians to threaten the people of God with.
It is NOT a tool that our Beloved uses. He came with Grace and Truth, he came to show us the face of God, without condemnation or price. He bore our shame so we did not have to and anyone who tries to put that millstone back around your neck had better beware because causing others to stumble is not a line you want on your heavenly cv!
Know that you are of infinite worth, that you are wholly precious and beloved and He knows you down to the very atom of your being, and He does not condemn you. If he does not then whatever measure of shame may come seeping up to your door, brought by whoever, it is NOT for you. Do not let the knowledge of your belovedness, your preciousness and your worth be stolen by a lie.
He is building His church, His glorious Bride, and there is no shame in or on her.