Sawubona – “I SEE you”

Mar 2:13  And He went out again by the seaside. And all the crowd came to Him, and He taught them.
Mar 2:14  And as He passed on, He saw Levi the son of Alpheus sitting at the tax-office. And He said to him, Follow Me. And he arose and followed Him.
Mar 2:15  And it happened as Jesus reclined in his house, many tax-collectors and sinners also reclined with Jesus and His disciples. For there were many, and they followed Him.
Mar 2:16  And when the scribes and Pharisees saw Him eat with tax-collectors and sinners, they said to His disciples, How is it that He eats and drinks with tax-collectors and sinners?
Mar 2:17  When Jesus heard, He said to them, They who are strong have no need of a physician, but the ones who have illness. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
What did you see Lord when you saw Levi. You saw him. “Sawubona”…” I see you”…
You saw a man desperate to be identified and seen and called out. He was a tax collector… he would never have been seen as Levi, he would only have been seen as the dreaded Roman lackey.
Oh goodness then you went to Levis house for dinner!!
The pharisees were so annoyed because you associated with those people. the dregs, the quiet ones, the inconsequential, the less thans. You saw them.
I can hear your “follow me”. You were in the middle of a large crowd, teaching and walking along… yet you saw him, you felt that connection in the midst of all those people and looked up and saw him.
That door opening, that conversation as you looked at Levi.. spirit to spirit.
I can see you motion with your head with a smile on your face.
Levi was poised on his seat, watching you, just itching to get out of his seat.. “shall I”? “No I cant”.. “Shall I…”, he just needed to be seen, and with that “Follow me” he was off.   You knew that and with a smile you gave him freely exactly what he needed because you saw his heart and you loved him.
Then you all went to his house for tea.  You liked doing that.  The pharisees were annoyed!!  Suddenly not part of the clique!
They were used to being the ones with the crowd and being followed and bowed to, and being the IN lot.. but here is Jesus, in the midst of a happy laughing lot of people who are normally passed by and ignored… can you imagine their joy at being seen, at being included, at being loved and brought home for dinner with the man of the hour with power?! He TRUELY saw THEM.
Then I listen to Jessie Duplantis and Kenneth Copeland defending their need for a private jet as there is such a problem being on a normal airline with all  those demons hanging onto us poor folks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdH2DGSXjss
Yet here is Jesus eating with tax collectors and sinners! I dont know either of these men so dont want to malign whatever ministry it is that they have, but what I dont believe I will ever see is either of thwm in  crowd of sinners and tax collecters (so many DEMONS) and then calling another over so they can go to his house for tea.
Something else that struck me in this…
Jesus was not restrained by the Pharisees expectations of him. He walked free. This because he was free. I guess this is what Paul was saying about no longer being under the law but how the Law of the Spirit of life sets us free from the Law of sin and death.
While thinking about the concept of God that keeps us small and reduced, I remembered that for me there was a fear that kept me stepping over that line from doubt to trust. Fear that prevents you moving into the true concept of God. It is safer here becaue you can control the outcome. There are rules, laws, religion. You control what is believable or trustable. Staying in the idol concept of God makes him safe and controlable, he will only do what you expect, which is not a great deal. He is still under your control. When you put a box around God, you create a false god because God cannot be boxed. Stepping away from that and putting that god on the pyre takes great courage because now this G-D of the universe, creator and altogether mystery is in control. You do not know what is going to happen because all is possible. He is in control, he is God. That is surrender. The surrender of any illusion of control.
THinking about “MORE”, Asking the false god of your own making for more is like going to one of those ornamental wells in a garden and dropping a bucket expecting water. A waste.
There is no expectations with God, not because he cant deliver but because expectations underline control. I know that he said Greater things than these…. so I dont have expectations any more I just know.. this is what will happen… greater things, rooted and grounded in love things, mountain moving things, and like we love those God puts in front of us today and live in that type of moment, so it is with the greater things, it is not a future expectation but a living it in the moment.
Does God graciously work within our false concepts.. yes I know he does, but like Jesus could not do much in Nazareth when he went home because they had a false concept of him (is this not Jesus the carpenter… etc) who he can be for us, and who we can be in the world is massively diminished until we step out into the wide horizone that is the Kingdom of God.
In the world but no longer of it
Understanding our freedom is key
Woke up so early this morning again 1:30.  wrote the following
What Now?
Greater Things
Do we have an example?
Jesus?  In his time, before his death there was no new covenant.  Paul/Peter/Apostles.
Are they our “at the very least”, or was that experience at that time just for them and all that is left for now is this?
What do I believe
and
There is fear that keeps you stepping over that line fromdoubt to trust.  Fear that prevents you moving into the true concept of God.  It is safer here becaue you can control the outcome.  You control what you believe or trust.  Staying in the idol concept of God makes him safe and controlable, he will only do what you expect, which is nothing nice.  He is still under your control.  Stepping away from that and putting that god on the pyre take great courage because now this G-D of the universe, creator and altogether mystery is in control.
That is surrender.  Asking the false god of your own making for more lis like going to one of those ornamental wells in a garden and dropping a bucket expecting water.
When you put a box around God, you create a false god because God cannot be boxed

Ocean of God

How much of our life is floating on the ocean of God
Although in reality the whole universe is firmly established on his ocean,
all held together by him  in LOVE and driven by his currents of Mercy and winds of Compassion.
Our head desperately hangs onto an illusion of control.  We dip our  toe into this ocean with trepidation, maybe splash in the waves on the shore a little,  but it really is all an illusion,  there is no shore, we are in the universe on the ocean that is our beloved God.
He loves us so much that he allows us those illusions of control so that our minds are not blown as he gently takes us on a journey into himself.
So we stand on the Island of self – false self, so a figment of our own making -busying our selves with life on this “dry” land.
Again we dip our toe in every now and then but basically live a dry life.
A life that believes it is rooted in earth.  God allows us that Illusion.  coaxing us off the land into a boat.  We climb in the boat, but it has no oar’s, although it is a rowing boat, so most of our self is still on shore.  All an illusion of control as the boat is still tied to the land.  For in reality everything rests in this ocean of God.  Who holds all things together.  Thinking now about the sheer size of God in a very limiting earthly way makes me realise the utterly unique thing that happend when God came into man.
THis 4th, 5th, 10th millionth dimension being, outside yet through space and time took  of this/his infinity and placed it in a child, in a cell to become part of man so we could find ourselves again, although to him we had never been lost.  He has to limit himself to the laws he had to put in place to govern our world at the macro level for quantum laws which are very similar to infinity laws wont look good to our finite eyes at a macro level – everything would fly around and our very finite minds would disintigrate.  So God gave us the God Particle or Higgs bosun, this infinite particle which holds the finite world together.  So apples fall down, things appear predictable while behind the front of the finite everything races around in apparent random chaotic profusion  of Joy.  Controlled by love which purvades everything.
Once you catch this your eyes will start to see miracles all over the place.  so nature becomes just a reflection of finite and infinite in harmony until we stomp through in our jack boots and control fetish.  So infinite God brought infinity together to create finite space and time.  He pulled it all together out of himself and created the tangible, finite 3 dimensional space time continuumn.
Oh Grief
So I stop pretending I can be in control by refusing to “believe” only what my finite senses can detect and I leap out into the vast unfathomable arms of my Father  The ocean that is infinite beloved God.  Love is the power of this ocean, directs its currents and winds.  On a beautiful yacht, sailing the currents and winds, sometimes needing sail and sometimes needing depth and currents

Fear is not the final word

A couple of things happened this week (yes it is only Tuesday!) which ticked all my “enneagram” #5 boxes. I found myself withdrawing into my safe place again, my protected, safe, introverted space where only carefully vetted people and circumstances penetrate.
It didnt feel like fear, it felt like this wider space that I know God has called me into was too exhausting, too time consuming and just too much effort when my physical circumstances are so hard right now. I had all the excuses stacked up in my head.. I’m exhasuted Lord, I’m in pain Lord, I’m working Lord, I, I, I, I… just feel safer here right now, thank you Lord but no thanks.
Then I read Terry Hershey’s “Sabbath moment” early this morning. He pulls no punches and captures totally where my heart is at, even if my head is elsewhere.
He says:

“Is it possible to live from wholehearted vulnerability?”
“Fear says, “I’ll make you safe.”
Love says, “You are safe.”
But here’s the deal: If you live from the heart, it may (or will) hurt. You may be misunderstood. You may be called crazy. People will shake their heads (or, like Hachi, pat you on the head) and remind you, “He’s not coming back.”
It doesn’t matter who we are, there are times when we are certain that we are not enough. What we say is not enough. The work we do is not enough.How long we wait is not enough.
Even so, I want to know in my heart–like Hachi, like Jacob–that fear is not the final word. ”

You need to read his whole Sabbath Moment to get the context http://www.terryhershey.com/fear-is-not-the-final-word/

In this very uncomfortable place, this zone of no comfort, this place where vulnerability is all you have and yet because it is such an anathema to others you receive judgment as having an agenda or … well actually I don’t know what the or’s are.
Wholehearted vulnerability receives a pat on the back, it has become a buzz word, a tag to add to your facebook or twitter feed, but don’t live it… whatever you do don’t live it.. because it’s a broken place, and like the homeless person on the street, people will pass you by averting their eyes.
BUT… I realise my heart loves this place, I quite like being that homeless person, there is freedom in not having to wear the trappings of my old protected self, encased in an identity that people feel safe with, are not uncomfortable dealing with.
So what to do, do I stay with what my heart knows, what my heart KNOWS or do I crawl back into the other space for a while just for a bit of respite? Although that is my head space, it really is a no brainer, I KNOW whom I have believed 2Ti 1:12 …. “Still I am not ashamed, for I know Him Whom I have believed and am convinced of, and I am utterly persuaded that He is able to guard and keep that which has been entrusted to me and which I have committed to Him until that day. ”
So, the climb goes on.